five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
