I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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