party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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