dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
