Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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