So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
