i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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