You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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