i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!