I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
