went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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