Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
