carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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