I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize