we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
