Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
