I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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