Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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