So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
