i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
