so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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