i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Four minutes until I can fart!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
