So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
