a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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