he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
