I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
