I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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