i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
