i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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