I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
