the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
