Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
