I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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