I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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