Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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