Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
