i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
