I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
