you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
