so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
