I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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