I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
