i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
