just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
