i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
