FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize