You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
