There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i came on her dog
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
