We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
