i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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