im drinking this country out of the recession.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Couch. On fire.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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