I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
