When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
