U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I could fuck to npr.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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