8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
