so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
