I need help removing her.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
