Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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