Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
