If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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