4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
