apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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