i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
