I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
