Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
