I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
