remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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