i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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