you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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