he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
