In America we eat man semen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
