I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
