i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
