i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
