worst night to have a conscience
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
